Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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