Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex on a roof
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
