How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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