I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
