Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
