Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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