Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize