I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
