...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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