I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
