she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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