I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize