So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
