Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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