when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
