Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
