69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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