Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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