Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
