i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
