I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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