Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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