So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
