Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk is not a location!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
