he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I could make wine with my vomit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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