I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
