just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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