Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
