Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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