i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
