You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
