my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
