Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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(315): View more from New York

You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

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(773): View more from Illinois

They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan

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(216): View more from Ohio

As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

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(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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(425): View more from Washington

This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

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(619): View more from California

His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.

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(630): View more from Illinois

true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.

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