Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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