Sober January is a disaster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
