every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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