you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
