I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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