I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
