I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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