I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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