That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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