bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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