I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Couch. On fire.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
