In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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