i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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