I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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