We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
