The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they're like a gay fantastic four
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
