woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
