my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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