her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Boobs speak an international language.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
