He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
