so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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