I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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