and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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