i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
