it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i barfeds in our rink
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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