My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize