I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
