it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
