The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
