he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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