You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
