Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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