Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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