pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
