I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
