so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize