im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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