I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
