I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
