dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
